The vaccine is beginning to roll out and the decade of 2020 is finally coming to an end. Thank you Sweet Baby Jesus! It’s been a rough year for everyone. Unfortunately, the social isolation isn’t going away anytime soon, and for me, neither is Zoom.
My job has officially transitioned to remote status. This is not good news for someone who craves connection, interaction and physical contact. It’s quite depressing actually. I am acclimating, albeit kicking and screaming at times, to my new life according to Zoom. I’d like to share a few things I’ve figured out along the way that don’t entirely suck.
Touch Up My Appearance setting in Zoom
Everything is just a bit soft and blurred and easy on the eye. Zits don’t show up, unless you can’t keep your hands off them and you have albino skin. At least that’s what I’ve heard. Why doesn’t life come with this setting? I may never go outside again!
Red lipstick
Who needs a shower? Slap some on and you’re good to go! So much is overlooked when you’ve got on your favorite shade of red. I literally wash my hair once a week and wear the same four tops, for real! Nobody notices!
Hair on the back of my head?
Much like a shower, curling (or even combing!) the hair back there is completely optional. Nobody on Zoom ever sees it! This little omission cuts down the time spent on hair styling (assuming there is any) by 33% at minimum. Just think what you could get done! Thank you, Zoom, for the gift of time!
Ring of light
I’m tempted to call this the ring of life based on the countless times this little $12 wonder brought me back to life on Zoom! I used to think ring lights, along with selfie sticks, filters and duck lips, were nothing but Kardashian crap. Now I have to talk myself out of carrying one around with me at all times!
Background as a conversation starter
In the beginning of Zoom life, I thought the virtual background thing was SO cool until I realized that 90% of the time it is distractingly glitchy, often only creating a background on my face. My alternative: put cool shit on my walls and position myself to showcase it behind me. Think of it as the Zoom version of “What? This old thing? I’ve had it a million years!”
Black yoga pants
They are the bottom half of my daily Zoom uniform. If all four pairs are in the dirty clothes and I don’t want to resort to pajama bottoms, I do have the option of jeans. Typically unbuttoned and more often than not, unzipped to some degree, but an option nonetheless.
Solid color top, moderately wrinkle-free
This versatile little number is the top half of my daily uniform. As long as it meets those two criteria, any top will do. Although I do avoid tube tops, if possible. It’s just a personal choice.
Earrings
In the event that I really want to give the illusion of authority or got-my-shit-togetherness, I throw on a pair of noticeable, yet modest hoops and voila! Instant respectability! (I save my big J-Lo hoops for the late night Zoomin!)
Looking forward
So much of 2020 was a shit show, and life according to zoom is a thing, but I’m going to go out on a limb here and say I’m glad I was able to find a few things that didn’t entirely suck. I bet you can too. Happy New Year.
Pretty slick friend. SO glad you are publishing. So bummed your job has gone entirely virtual. Who knows what 3021xwoll hold. For now, let’s paint our nails… red! And, wear jeans, not.
Thanks for reading, Kim. And yes … bring on the red!!
Oh, also… Your name, Noelle. What is the story behind it? A friend’s son just gave their daughter the middle name Noelle with an interesting meaning. I wonder about yours.
So funny you mentioned it because we were on a family zoom talking about the very same thing! I think I might have to make up a cool origin story because there doesn’t seem to be any particular reason for Noelle.
The one fun bit about it is that we sort of have the female version of Sr, Jr and III going:
Mom: Christine (no middle name) Davenport, now Robeson
Me: Noelle Christine Davenport
Sister: Sara Noelle Davenport
Lately I’ve noticed Noelle being used as a middle name more than a first name in the last ten-ish years. I’d love to know the story of your friend’s granddaughter!
Love this! You have inspired me to clean up my Zoom game in 2021…..
I aim to please! The link to the red lipstick is generously provided above just for you, Liana! Now you won’t have to use mine! 😉
PS I love you
Love this list! I need the ring of light stat!
Did you get one, Teenie? Also, I thought I’d share that you and I have a cool name thing going as well.
Me: Noelle Christine
You: Christine Noelle
🙂
I need a ring of life. Now. There are definitely benefits to working on Zoom. Me too on appreciating only having to worry from the waste up. I’ve been wearing these same leggings for, oh, I don’t know… But today I am proud to say I am wearing a wool sweater down below… I washed it in warm water and put in the dryer so that it’d shrink and felt up a bit before cutting it up to wear as a skirt. Yeah, I’m a little bit proud of myself. I quite like having a sweater skirt for my butt. Because butts do get cold, ring of light or no. PS I love your cool shit on your behind-you-wall.
How come I haven’t seen this amazing sweater creation? You are so right … butts do get cold!
XOXON
Zoom insider tip…there are glasses to wear when you skipped the makeup, and rimless ones for when you bat your big baby blues (or browns).
Zoom has changed everything!
Love this!!! Now I’m going to start looking and paying attention to your tops lol And can you please show me the camera options to change blemishes etc haha
I’m so glad you all cant see what I wear most of the time. Just lucky I brush my hair and teeth some days. Especially if there is an 8am meeting.