Today in America, the color purple takes on a lofty, yet elementary idea: red + blue = purple. As I see it, we can come together as conservatives (red) and liberals (blue) to create a blended, more harmonious and representative landscape for our country (purple). This is simply my personal aspiration for purple and how it relates to our world as it is today. Feel free to disagree … in your own blog.
When I meet someone new these days, I have an almost unconscious reflex to try to suss out their politics. It’s a sort of conversational profiling. I don’t want to ever inadvertently say something that would make someone uncomfortable or provoke an argument. But there’s a downside to always keeping things comfortable. You can miss out on some pretty great stuff!
My heart is three shades more purple these days after an unlikely conversation with a lovely woman on a flight from Dallas to Seattle. The conversation begins with one simple little question, followed by another – and this is key here folks – then another and another. As curiosity grows, so too grows understanding and connection. This is closely tied to the theme of my last post Be kind. Please rewind.
Conversational profile: put up the guard rails
Approaching my row 27 window seat, I take note of my row-mate. A slender woman with glasses, the top half of her long grey hair pulled back leaving a fringe of bangs. She appears to be a little older than me, working on her crossword puzzle using a fancy white pencil with rose gold on the end holding the white eraser. She wears a red cardigan, black twill pants and a pair of cute black and white tennies. Her thin legs cross so completely that the top one may have gone around twice. Behind the thick KN95 mask, I hear her southern accent as we exchange brief pleasantries while I get seated.
The plane had only been in the air a short time when I hear, “Do you enjoy writing?” She nods toward the journal I’m scribbling in when I look up. I smile and say yes. And that’s all it takes to turn a three-hour plane ride into a moment in time filled with connection, understanding and yes, I’ll say it, love!
We listen and learn things about each other. Her name is Cheryl and she’s on her way home to Washington from spending time with her father. It will likely be the last time they have together. He has Alzheimer’s and is dying. She’s originally from Texas, but has lived in small-town Washington for over twenty years. She homeschooled all of her eight children!
No need for guard rails
I am right about Cheryl being conservative, and yet so wrong about needing to put rails around our conversation. After beating around the bush for a few minutes, we share our political orientation and it actually opens up the conversation rather than shutting it down! (I’m sorry … what?)
We talk about things with and without the lens of politics: our families, friends, hobbies, things that bring us joy or make us cringe. We share some of the challenges created when family members are on opposite ends of the political spectrum. We talk about books and book groups and writing books. And we laugh. A lot!
Interesting things about Cheryl
- We both struggle with the devastating lack of red lipstick in the wake of covid masking.
- We also share a dorky level of love for writing and all its accoutrements: pens, pencils, markers, stationary. We even tried out each other’s writing utensils!
- Being told she can’t sing in church due to covid weighs very heavily on her heart.
- Her nephew is a musician and plays in a band called the Arab Church band. Or at least that’s what I thought until I watched Eric Church sing the national anthem at the Super Bowl and put two and two together!
Over the course of the flight, we shared so much of ourselves with each other. It almost seems crazy when I think about it! We even have mementos from our time together. I have a new fancy white pencil and she has a new pink pen. My only regret is that I didn’t get Cheryl’s address. I have a feeling we would be stellar purple pen pals!
red + blue = purple
Be brave. Open up. Ask a question. And another. And another. Don’t miss out on the great stuff!
Love this Nellie! Sometimes we are so quick to compartmentalize each other that we don’t take the time to allow light in. Sharing space with this person on a flight gave you the opportunity to really see her, not just your first impression of her. We can all learn from these types of interactions. More often than not, we do all have connections with each other.
Well said E. I would even go so far as to say there’s always some thread of connection we can pull on, insignificant as it may seem. Who knows where a love of vanilla ice cream or the game of Yahtzee could take you! Thank you for your thoughts.
I love reading about the opportunity for connection when we stay open and curious. I have a very “red” neighbor and politically I bet we don’t agree about anything. But we both love our dogs, our families and the great outdoors. That gives us plenty of room for a really nice friendship!
You hit the nail on the head, Carolyn! Staying open and being curious about the world around us, and the people in it, is so important! I’m happy to hear about you and your neighbor! Thank you for sharing.
Your insights continue to amaze me. Keep the openness going dear girl.
Dad
That amazement goes both ways, Dad. Thank you for being my cheerleader!
Reflecting on Valentine’s Day, I come to realize the exuberant loves of our lives (red) and the sometimes deep loneliness of the pandemic (blue) can help us more holistically frame our lives and the world around us (purple!). Fantastic insight from one of the loves of my life.
Good call on the window seat, BTW.
If my insight can be considered fantastic, then the apple truly doesn’t fall far from the tree! You are the love of my life! Well … until Idris Elba comes to his senses, of course. Then you’ll have to share that spot.
Until then …
Hmmm. Reminds me a bit of our friendship. Love this post. And love you girl!
You and I have a beautiful friendship indeed, Audrey. I love you right back!!
Great writing, Nellie, and I love that you had an intense experience on a plane! ❤️
Thanks Liana! I feel like the overwhelming need to have a conversation with everyone is something you and I definitely share!! (Much to the chagrin of our kids!) I heart you so much!
Hi, Noelle. Greetings from the WIP Summit. I thoroughly enjoyed the content and intention of your blog post. I’ve always maintained that it takes no investment of time and energy to paint large groups of people with a single brush stroke. It takes curiosity, openness and effort to get to know people one-on-one. I look forward to reading more of your insights about human behavior in the future. If you are so inclined, please find me on my personal Facebook page so we can continue the conversation we began at the Summit. Journey on.
Hello Randye! I’m thrilled and honored that you visited my blog! Thank you for the thoughtful comment. I look forward to continuing the connection we sparked at the summit, on Facebook and any other shared outlet we stumble upon! I’ve got my fingers crossed that you choose to work with The Narrative Project. It has been, and continues to be, a vital part of my writing journey. I’m happy to answer any questions you have about it! XOXON