The title of this post is pretty self-explanatory. I’d like to share with you my countdown of the top ten most shocking things as seen from a car while driving in Kenya. There’s one thing I do need to clear up though, I was not the one doing the driving. Oh hell no! Driving in Kenya is not for the faint of heart, my friends. There’s none of that annoying, yet adorable “You go. No you go!” back and forth we are so fond of here in Seattle. The whole Be Kind thing basically flies right out the window!
In a word, shocking
I use the word shocking for this countdown in an attempt to describe things that I’ve just never seen while driving around in the US, nor would I. Ever. I believe a little culture shock once in a while is good for a person. In this case, a little vehicular culture shock is good for a laugh.
Let the countdown begin!
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10. A gigantic chainsaw on a motorcycle, thankfully sheathed, but still!
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9. Two adults and two children wedged in various directions on a motorcycle
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8. A full-sized couch tied to the back of a motorcycle on the highway
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Splinters anyone?
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7. A strange little three-wheeled vehicle precariously loaded down with lumber
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6. Two bicycles pulled by ropes behind a giant truck full of cabbage, again on the highway
5. A family of happy Zebra just hanging out on the side of the road. Freaking zebra, people!
These guys put the hawk in Shawking!
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4. Assertive roasted corn salesmen on the side of the road using creative methods (mostly their elbows) to get an edge on the competition
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3. Super creepy and aggressive baboons congregating around a highway traffic stop waiting for their chance to eviscerate anyone with an open window. *OK, they were actually out there hoping for food, but everyone knows food is just the gateway drug to internal organs. For baboons. Obviously.
2. A bus coming at us on the shoulder of the wrong side of the road! Highway A104 is one of the most dangerous roads in the world, because of the insane drivers, not the road conditions. I lovingly refer to it as the Road to Certain Death!
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Part man, part machine, part …
1. And that brings us to number one. The most shocking of all the things I have personally seen from a car while in Kenya was nothing less than a mythical creature: part man, part machine, part … homecoming king. At first, I couldn’t tell what I was looking at. I blinked hard as this aberration seemed to be hurtling toward me like a regal chariot bursting forth from clouds of billowing smoke.
I rubbed my eyes and realized that it wasn’t hurtling toward me at all. No, it was actually moving relatively slowly, kicking up the dry, dirt road in its wake. Even moving slowly, it was growing closer. I could see now that it was, in fact, a boda boda, the motorcycle version of a taxi. The driver’s yellow helmet looked gauzy in the haze of heat and dust. Everything went into slow motion as we passed each other going in opposite directions, so close that I could’ve reached out my window and given the driver an exploding fist bump. That’s when I saw it …
The most shocking thing I’ve ever seen from a car while in Kenya.
Mouth slack and gaping, my disbelieving eyes grew so big that my brows disappeared up under my bangs! There, wobbling on the back of the boda boda, magically held in place by a couple of thin ropes tied in knots, was a dirty love seat, upholstered in faded red twill. And … on top of that loveseat, on top of that motorcycle, sat a young guy, long and lithe with skin as dark as strong coffee, one thin leg draped casually over the other. He looked every bit as proud as any homecoming king sitting atop a shiny red Corvette convertible at the head of the homecoming parade. He was leaning back, cool as a cucumber in his Chicago Bulls t-shirt, arms stretched out past the edges of the loveseat, nonchalantly draped over the top.
Regal as hell
Our eyes met as we passed in slow motion, he flashed a big, white smile, lifted his left hand ever-so-slightly at the wrist and acknowledged me with a nearly imperceptible wave. Soon, the cloud of dust they arrived in got smaller and smaller, and the king and his chariot disappeared. I wondered where he was going, what adventure lie ahead. I was so stupefied by this whole glorious experience that they were long gone before it occurred to me that I just missed the greatest photo opportunity ever. But I’m willing to bet that if you close your eyes and put yourself on a dirt road in Africa, your imagination will be able to come up with a pretty great picture just for you!
Happy dreaming!
Love that description. And, yep, from your words I painted my own picture. Another interesting read, my friend. I will probably never make it to Kenya, but for a minute, I’ve pictured it. 🥰
Hope you’re doing well!!!
Neat time, why not talk about your puppy and the helpful guys another time; or the women you meet? There is a lot more to your adventure.